Tuesday was a normal day, monotaneous to any other, except that I was asked to go to my FIL's house to change the oil in my van. I didn't want to go but I did. I should not have fought it and left sooner, maybe he would have overlooked me.
On my way there, a strange man entered my van. Well, he is not exactly a stranger. I have met him before. A few times actually. He looks eerily familiar but acts strange to me.
He scares me.
He has been here now for 4 days, with him he brings change and uncertainty.
He makes it a point to go out of his way to be nonchalant and uncaring.
Why has he come here? Why will he not leave?
He behaves like the quintessential quiet killer of Columbine. Unpredictable and emotionless.
Again, he scares me.
Everyday he leaves and everyday he comes back. He walks right into our home like he owns the place and has not invaded us, like some freak science fiction alien movie.
When he is here I tiptoe around him, fearful to bring attention to myself. When he leaves, I do not breath a sigh of relief, I cry.
I seek the comfort and reassurance of the one I love but he is never here when the stranger invades.
Somehow I must invite this stranger to be with me. Not a verbal invitation but through my actions he must feel free to turn my comfortable world upside down.
I am the only one who can see him, to everyone else he is just himself, whoever that may be.
How can I show this stranger he is not welcome in my home, when I am afraid of him? Afraid of the power he has to change my future to something I do not wish for?
Why has he shown himself to me again, when I had forgotten he even existed? What could I have possibly done or asked for that was so wrong as to invite him to plague me in this way?
Does he have feelings I wonder?
Does he have feelings of loathe and hate for me or does he feel nothing? Can he even see how his presence effects me?
The stranger will inevitably come back and I fear he will change me forever. I can feel the emptiness he leaves behind starting to consume me, to depress me.
I wish he would just leave me alone.
to be continued...
Written and posted with permission from Dawn !